Exciting News!

Aidan is officially potty trained!!!!!

It took one year, a lot of crying ( from both Aidan and myself) a lot of bribing "I'll give you candy if you go" a lot of patience and a lot of persistence, but finally, my three year is in big boy pants, and is using the potty BOTH at home and when we're out. It's been consistent now for three weeks, no accidents and he even wakes up dry most mornings. I have never been more thankful for anything in my life, than I am right now, to have one less diaper to change. Way to go Aidan!

Feelings...

...after recently reading a blog, where the author discussed some feelings she was having, it got me to thinking. I usually try and keep my blog light, fun, and a record of the happenings of our family. But today, for a number of different reasons I am choosing to put my deeper, darker feelings out there--my form of cheap thearpy, I guess. Today is one of those days, where if I could curl up in bed and just cry the day away I would. I am lonely. I am sad. And I am feeling extremly misplaced here in the desert. I have felt this way on and off ever since I moved here in 2005, but lately, especially since Parker was born, I felt more isolated, more overwhelmed, and more in need of my friends and family. The problem is, all of my close friends are scattered across the country and my family is all back east, aside from my mom. My other mom and step dad, brothers, aunts, uncles and cousins are so far away and I miss the sound of their voices and the smiles on thier faces. I miss feeling like part of a family. My mother is great, I love her, and I would have gone insane long ago if she was not living near me here in Tucson. But it's not the same when you only get to see your family every couple of years, if that. I know she misses them, too. I am not close to many members of my husband's family, and often feel very out of place and out of the loop. We seem to be an after thought in most cases, and I feel very much like I am on the outside looking in.

I struggle at church. I struggle to live up to a standard I feel is impossible to obtain. I am a convert to my religion and as a result there is a whole culture, language, and experience that I didn't grow up with. I feel spiritually inadaquate, and worrying on an almost daily basis that I am failing my children and my husband. I don't fit in my ward. It has been almost four years and I still feel like a visitor. I want to join cooking clubs and play groups and go on Relief Society trips, but I don't, because again, I feel like I am on the outside looking in and I don't know how to get to the other side.

I struggle as a mother. I am not a naturally maternal person and I feel very judged because of it. Now, that could just be me projecting my own guilt outward, but a lot of the decisions I've made in regards to my children, especially my decision not to breastfeed, have been met with disapproval. I do the best I can. I love my children, but I also want to maintain and cultivate my individuality. I don't want to lose the person I was before marriage and children. I want to have time for myself and my hobbies. Is that so bad?

I am grateful, too, although that may be lost in this post. I have a husband that despite what his parents or family thought, loved me and made me his wife. He has built a life with me, and has allowed me to be just who I am, GIGANTIC flaws and all. I will forever be grateful and humbled by the love of my husband. Most days I don't deserve his kindness, patience, and unwaivering support, but I am blessed by it nonetheless. I have three BEAUTIFUL children. Energetic, exasperating, and uniquely wonderful children, without whom I would feel incomplete. It's just somedays, days like today, I wish I had a close friend and confidant to tell my feelings to, rather than having to find comfort in posting a blog entry.

Good Old Family Fun

Last week on the way home from the library, Aidan spotted a Ferris wheel from the car. "What is that Mommy?" he asked, and after I explained to him what it was, he would not stop talking about it. So, yesterday, Matthew and I decided to just bite the bullet, waste the money, and let the kids have some fun at the mini-fair set up at the Park Place Mall. I was worried about how things would go, but was pleasantly surprised that BOTH kids listened, held our hands (we forgot to pack the double stroller) and took turns going on rides, all without any temper tantrums. After we rode all the kiddie rides we could, we went into the mall for some Jamba Juice and let the kids get the rest of their energy out in the mall play area. They had a lot of fun and so did we, and the BEST part was that they were in bed, passed out, at 7:30 pm!

Stats

Parker and I both have matching multiple chins in this picture...I need to work on that!




























Parker had his 2 month check up yesterday, complete with shots, yuck, and here are his numbers:

Head--15 3/4
Height-- 24 inches
Weight--12 lbs. 2 ounces

In case you are wondering, the gloves are to keep Parker from scratching his face. You can't see it in the pictures, but he looks like he's been clawed by a cat!

Tagged

My sister-in-law Amanda tagged me to pick the sixth picture in the sixth file on my computer. I actually went straight to my pictures file and picked the sixth folder and the sixth picture from that. This is it....



Grandpa Carpenter holding Aidan when Aidan was two months old...time flies! I now tag Kori, Annie, Robyn, Trisha, Erin, and whoever else wants to play!

Movers and Shakers

On Tuesday nights from 6:30-7:15 pm Aidan has his "movers and shakers" gym class. Usually Matthew takes him, to have some one on one time with him (Emma's class is Monday nights), but after the AWFUL day I had this week, Matthew and I decided that we BOTH need to have one on one time with Aidan. So, we got my mother to babysit Emma and Parker, and off we went to class! It was really nice to be in the car just with Aidan, talking to him about his day and what he was looking forward to in class. Afterward, Matthew and I took Aidan to get ice cream and it was really nice to just be together the three of us. Aidan LOVED it. I could tell he felt special and singled out, and it was amazing what a few hours alone with Mom and Dad did for him. He talked about it all the next day and was actually better behaved. Matthew and I decided that as the kids get older we want to do Mommy/Daddy dates with them once a month. One day that is just theirs with us, doing something fun. I think it will help them, and me, a lot!

Snow...Tucson Style!

I know, I know, for all those who are not native to Tucson (myself included) THIS is not snow--not how I knew it to be growing up anyhow, but yesterday, here in the desert, it got cold enough to actually deposit some snow on the ground. And seeing as I NEVER get to see snow on the ground around here, I'll take it!

One Of Those Days...

Today was one of those days, where all I wanted was a pair of red, ruby slippers that I could clap together while chanting "there is no place like before the kids were born, there is no place like before the kids were born..." That might sound awful, but today it rang true. I woke up to screaming, and I should have known right away that the rest of the day was not going to get any better. It was piles of laundry, a sink full of dishes, a family room floor strewn with toys, a constantly crying 19 month old, a mouthy, disobedient three year old, and a sweet two month old that just sat in his bouncy seat, patiently waiting for his mommy to have time for him. I love my son Aidan, I really, really do, but most days, and today in particular I don't like him very much. I can't figure out if he's jealous of his siblings, or just one of those kids that needs constant attention and activity, but today he was a tornado of trouble. He kicked and punched Emma every chance he got (which is why my 19 month old was constantly crying.) He wouldn't listen to anything, and every other time it was time to go potty, I'd find him peeing in the tub, because according to him it was "more fun." Nothing worked. Not coloring, playing playdo, going outside and playing on the jungle gym, not taking THREE walks around the neighborhood, or making cookies...by the time Matthew got home I had turned into a stressed out, impatient, screaming mess of a mother, that had everyone, including Matthew staring at me wide eyed, wondering "what's wrong with Mommy?" I HATE days like today. Days where nothing goes right and everything is too much to handle, and when it's all said and done, and the kids are asleep, and looking angelic, the guilt of my bad parenting kicks in. All I can do is try better tomorrow, right? It's a good thing kids are so forgiving...below are a couple of pictures that remind me why I became a mother in the first place.





Aidan after church yesterday. We were there for 5 hours due to the baptismal preview we had to attend right afterwards. He fell asleep in the car and didn't wake up even when I was putting his jammies on!



















The one thing Aidan is for sure, is a great big brother. From the moment we brought Parker home from the hospital, he has been attentive, loving, and kind to his baby brother. I am grateful for that.

Parker's Baby Blessing

Yesterday we had Parker's baby blessing. Lots of family was able to come, and it was a special day for us. Here are some pictures of the festivities after church.